music is life, music is breath, music is us

On the unknown, the satisfied and dissatisfied, and the truth of the artist

The_Unknown_by_DKF

So…I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I did, after all, recently close the chapter on my academic training at UCLA (which in all respects was a major milestone). I think a lot now, probably more than ever, about the trajectory I want my life to go in. I have for many years seen my dreams develop and evolve, something that I doubt will cease anytime soon.

The funny thing is, in many ways, what I desire I already do.

And yet I don’t.

(Let me explain).

What I want to do with my life is what I am already doing now: making music, writing about music, interviewing bands and the like. The problem is, I am never satisfied. I always want my art to expand, my writing to reach greater heights, and much more. I take pride in what I have done, revisit it often, but then think of what I can do to better such creations and accomplishments.

I am not complaining here, it is simply that I am restless. I am seeking a higher artistic purpose/vision/inspiration (at least that is what I keep telling myself). I’d be lying if I said I didn’t also want success as well. I have selfish interests that I think will validate me as a human being (trust me; any artist that says they don’t have this is lying to you).

confusion2

But what is success measured by? Wealth? Fame? Awards? What I seek is, inevitably, unknown. I know people that are totally content in their lives, but I am not one of those people. In this time after college in which I am truly seeking my destiny, I find a lot of roadblocks. Pursuing what you love is painful, but life is indeed made up of a great deal of pain…is it not? Any worthy pursuit is filled with treacherous battles that test your will to survive, and indeed I know that while I have faced my fair share of obstacles, many more await me.

I used to be an individual that believed he could control circumstances with various actions. It was only with my acceptance that the future is totally uncertain that I was, to a degree, set free from my own hang-ups about life (there are plenty more to be found however). What I have to understand as I continue to plunge into the rest of my life is that I will always be in a state of artistic satisfaction and dissatisfaction. My life is my art, my music, my writing and there is nothing that can change that. But whether I wake up one day nominated for a GRAMMY or wake up 10 years from now in the same place that I started…I will never stop trying to create. That, my friends, is what makes me an artist.

unknown-future2web2

So I look with great apprehension to my future, but nevertheless continue to strive for only the very best from myself. I will crash and burn more times than I will succeed, but that is alright with me. I know who I am, and yet I am still discovering more.

Thanks for reading this, come along for my voyage and let us see where I land. Cheers.

logo_grand_universe_by_antifan_real

“One recognizes one’s course by discovering the paths that stray from it.”-Albert Camus

 

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2 responses

  1. Interesting stuff and good luck in the ‘afterlife’. When people first started banging on skulls and hollow logs and blowing through reeds from the river they did it for fun and, although there soon arose religious associations, the fame, the glory and the urge for fame and fortune came later. Personally, I never lost my link with the past. To progress, I suppose expanding your listening experience is important, especially jazz, the most remarkable music of them all. I played in a brass band festival on Sunday at Ironbridge, the birthplace of industry, and it was interesting to compare the various approaches. Some bandleaders love to stand in front like avenging angels, baton in hand. We took the stage in open neck shirts and laughed and joked a lot between ourselves but we played as well as the rest. Our drummer is from the jazz/pop world and really propelled the band along in the popular program we chose. I wore my cowboy hat because it was HOT!

    July 22, 2014 at 11:36 am

    • Oh yeah the past is the key to your future in many senses. Brass and cowboy hats, that must’ve been a sight to see (and I’m a Yank! I see those things all the bloody time!)

      July 23, 2014 at 7:51 am

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